Be good to what is still unborn. Perhaps it will be a passionate love letter to yourself or a long deep gaze into eyes of a stranger. Perhaps it never comes, not the way you expect, be always receptive for embracement of your soul.
Be good to your heart, to nameless story of a hero and thousands face. Live by your truth, no matter how far you travel. Aloneness will be your support, your friend in desperate times, the only witness to your all attempts to give life to this unknown stirring beneath the rivers inside.
Everyone writes, but destiny of a writer comes to a few people, most of them are unpublished, anonymous walkers with notebooks and inky fingers among us. For every written word, they travel deep into center of human wounds, hunted by truth, they never find much peace in groups, between human kinds. The aloneness of a writer is abundant hunger to discover more of what scratches inside.
Writing began living in me at very early age. It seems there is a secret between me, pen and music player. It became a committed relationship over the years. I have quiet few creative talents, and fortunate enough I gave enough practice and energy to flourish them, however, writing and dance are two most desired ones, my daily prayers. I lose myself in the process, it feels something else takes over and suddenly I become witness of this phenomenon movement of spirit in my body, in form and in words. It is so easy to die while my arms are open in the air and my hips swings left to right, feeling ultimate joy of finding myself in body and feelings. Dancing is an intimate breath with life, my every cell smiles and even by aging my body still has her own rhythm and newness in every move. I never studies or practiced it professionally, but as a child it was a calling. I would shut the door as my parents were rigid and against my dance in public, I only danced behind locked doors. Today, I embrace the freedom of the choice, to offer my body to air, ground and surrender to ultimate discovery of flexibility, passion in one exquisite spontaneous move into nothing-ness.
Dance is the adventure bursting out of my heart, unleash my sexuality, sensuality and mystery of being a woman not so young, not so old, a new time for me to get to know my body again, and listen deeper to what rise. I used to go to gym almost every day before aged 42 and then my life completely changed and gym became a luxury I could not afford for some reason. I returned to dance on and off, I could dance almost with any music. Today, it is my heart that moves my body, I call it mystic dance as I never know, how it shapes. One day, it is so slow that barely my finger move and then suddenly a thunder falls on sky of my feelings and all steps takes my body into whirling.
Writing does the same thing. I always write with music in the background. Normally it is the music that comes to me, I buy a new CD or find an interesting mix of YouTube. Anyway, it fuels the energy. I normally let writing find its own way on a page. I never edit ( which perhaps you already noticed) and I rarely know what I will write about. Yesterday was stormy day, my posts were written by ache and tears. Today, I am leaning into my soul as I guess the coming few weeks is an opening to discover a new untouched parts of my soul and destiny. I had many ideas 5 months ago when I arrived in Cyprus, to conduct my business, make a living, grow my roots. Today, I say with all honesty, that is no longer Divine’s plan and perhaps it wasn’t even to begin with. And when I can not go out, I know, the only way is to get patient, sit and listen, write and dance and be fully present in my heart. And witness the happening. And stay detach from outcome or the process.
People ask me how I can live not knowing many things, from the reality of life, paying rent, earn the living or this huge aloneness over the years, how could I surrender and accept all these?!
I am not sure even if I answer, that will comfort them, make it easy to understand. Because path of the heart will never make a sense to mind. All I know, in the beginning, I was as fearful as rabbit in a battle field, jumping up and down, all over the map and now, when fog gets heavy and I can’t see or feel the next step, I go in, I get silent and have faith in my relationship with spirit, that it unfolds its perfection, even when the reality seems difficult and challenging, within, I rest in knowing of my heart.
This has been a strange turn over the years that I am writing on my blog. It began with poetry writing and a passionate longing to meet my twin flame, today, I just wanted to talk about writing and dance. Tomorrow has her own bearing to share. I feel I am coming truly to my own essence. I have been trying too much to rationalize my doing according to all the skills and talents I have and worked with. I think, universe showing me to get simpler, and stay with what feels intimate, what really comes natural and not thinking of how channel and materialize it, no matter what the appearance of my life shows. And I am honoring this gentle nudge of universe, as we came a long way together, almost one J, we shall grow closer and more truer in this harmony. In flow nothing is sealed, delivered and confirmed and that is what having choice is, having freedom to remain a mystery, utterly transparent and committed to truth and yet, have enough space for outgrowing feelings and trust the knowing of our bodies, the blue print of our souls. Trust our path wherever and however it unfolds, we continue with openness and courage. We let dance and the dancer becomes one, receptive, awake and powerful.
This daily writing is growing, I smell the fragrance of spring of my becoming, isn’t it wonderful, just to know nothing is ever complete, nothing is ever concluded. Life is a mystery, indeed. And my work is to write about it, to dance its passion and its silence. How much more blessing one heart can ask? I am blessed to follow my bliss.