Chaos is the beginning of new and unformed change. It is threshold of fire and not knowing. It seems more and more humanity moves into chaos and into experiencing present. Sometimes, we hope for peace, for stillness and other times, we want the end of pain and suffering. Chaos is a turning point which we will faced if we search truth, more than few times. Anytime, we arrive to moment of freedom, letting go of control, suddenly things happen out of our control, our instinct is to jump behind the wheel, let find the job, let work on our relationship, let forgive and forget again, let stop this movement into not knowing, at any cost. Because we are scared. We are so scared to not have a plan, to be awkward socially, to be alone and without a shelter.
Chaos is not always the mind doing, it is the resistance to what is really happening. We refuse to see our feelings, the sense of helplessness, unworthiness. We afraid to move away from our thoughts. What is left for mind, if there is no thought. What happens after the chaos? What path is in front of us?
I used to believe all mind saying about myself, about everyone. It was no filter, it was no observant. So, every action was a reaction! It was no space in or out, to give me a chance to see I am not my mind and chaos is nothing but the shadow of the light.
Moving with life feels dangerous, not having a safety net or any recollection of how to act? What used to be past, memories, connections, it feels all gone or belong to someone else.
Somehow, going with a flow of life, means to die every night and reborn by sunlight. It is not about making life happens. We are the stillness, the observer of happenings. Accepting life as it is, all feelings are welcomed. All not feelings are welcomed. Here, in this unchanged, we allow, we surrender to all changes.
It is more of attention practice than any action. We keep focusing on present, and for that we need to slow down. So slow, so we can see our mind is not who we are. We are not much in control of life as we think or hope we are. But this is something that only experience can give us, no one else can be our proof of this relative truth that all is our own perception and how we live if we accept, the chaos, the flow, silence and movement all are simpler than what we labeled them with.
The day we accept, there is no where to go from here, and nothing is coming, no one will rescue us, we do not need to rescue ourselves, how do we feel? How the meaning of our life will be then?
If we only asked by universe, divine and higher self, to just be fully present and in here, in space of unlimited possibilities and until the impulse comes from our deepest inner space, we hold on nothing, no plan, no need, no fear, no running away, no chase. Just be fully present in life and assume nothing, conclude nothing.
Just be No-thing. This is calld emptiness, but I do not think, the world really covers the depth of this space. It is a womb, it is a holding place and normally, it shows and opens up after chaos, storms, burning alchemy. It has a voice, it is powerful when you trust to fall into it.
I am falling and I am not even know what to call it. It is beyond love, it is beyond whatever so far I have experienced as a mystic and a seeker. I feel there is no wall, there is no desire to rush or make things happen. I no longer need to work very hard or plan very smart to make things happen. I just need to fall deep without trying to hold on any security or safety net, into this hole of vastness. Let everything I know and felt as human, be washed away and erased from my DNA.
A new body wants to reborn, new skin, new borderless presence. I hear the cracks in my heart every day, but it does not hurt anymore. I basically have no friend, no enemy, no family, no conversation, and no communication. Yes, I speak with sales people in supermarkets, a nice short chat with a neighbor. My life is alone and I never before felt so alive, content and without a fear. I passed a major breakthrough last month, which was a very challenging let go of certain perception and repeated patterns. It was a burning crossing and ashes came, tears came and finally a deepest wound not just was healed but completely removed from the consciousness I am travelling with.
I come to life in you, this you has many names, for me, it is always my beloved. The mirror of my heart, my passion, my gentle smile. This oneness is a joy of coming back to home, my true self. My only love.
No one promise an easy path to truth, no one witness our struggles or our broken hearts, there is no one but ourselves. This knowing is not about the world, at least not the one we see everyday. This journey has to be taken alone, the ripen fruit is only tastes sweet in your thirsty mouth!
I welcome everything today, everything here speaks to me. Even when it slaps my face, breaks my bone and leave me alone in dark, I know, none of this is real. I am walking in a dream, we are walking in a dream, either we can sleepwalk or we can wake up and be an observer to this magical space of happening.
Standing at Zero is freedom.
For first time in my life, I am not doing anything because it has not been risen inside me. I crossed chaos after chaos over the last 5 months, to recognize my mental pattern of jumping into doings, without really feeling alignment with. I observe, no longer wait, I observer into ocean of life, I stand at zero, still, in complete trust, on edge of flight, feeling my oneness with life….it is happening in me ,through me and for me.
Floating as life, here and now, is you.
I come to life in you,
Timeless present, eternal flow of love.