Universe expands through us, it brings all that are required for each soul to expand to her highest potential. It set things in motion, align stories and paths, create synchronicity and flow of events one after another to take us to our greatness.
Some of the choices we have to make are really force of nature and beyond our personal will. If we have understanding of the way of Spirit, we surrender and allow life happens. We cross the sand storm carefully and patiently. We become silent and listen carefully to our inner voice, we see the world as a magical place full of signs and hidden map to show us our next step or even the great divine plan.
Many human are still living in dream of humanity, having a 9-5 job and accept limitation as part of life while it is only an imposed self- condition.
During my life, I met few major sand storms. While my eyes and senses are blinded and fear strongly took over. My body is crippled with resistance and I barely can go through the days without thinking to end my life! The possibility of grow seems so impossible for small self that she rather end her life that break free from her mind and act with confidence and boldness, to embrace her gifts and destiny and be an agent of service. I faced few of those moments, that I felt I am done, I cannot move out this mud. The more my mind tried to figure out a way to make things happen, the deeper I drawn in.
Sand storms are strong and might last few days or more. They bring confusion and disorientation. Seems there is no one else, no- where safe to hide and refuge.
Dreams become waste land and heart out of alignment to her own beauty and grace. We lose gravity and anxiety of change becomes the speed of our breaths.
It is dark, cold and no clarity. How can we move out of such a storm without harm?
How could we find our true courage and have the faith returned to our heart? While all we see is uncertainty, like we never met God. We never met love. Our arms want to reach out, to embrace something tangible, something warm and real.
We want to hear another voice, leading us out of the storm! We want to end whatever cause the storm.
Today I had one of those storm that uproots my essence and makes me feel so helpless and small in front of what I have no control of. I want to bend, spare my life and avoid breaking.
But I have to break, every wall and belief has to break. So I see the illusion, as real as it feels and seems. I co –creating this with universe. This is my storm, my sand. My wind of mind and I have to find that place within that can offer a moment of silence. A place that I can rest, trust and accept. It might be a moment or few more days, I never know, how this unfolds. What I need to let go! I always see the lesson, as well as the struggle. I see the split mind of my human and horrified child in front of the unknown Monster half in dark and half in blood.
I am writing as this is my only refuge to take my pain and confusion and keep moving in until a drop of peace arrives, so I can again believe in miracles, belief I have a power to revise my own creation into another one, a pleasant one, an empowering one. I must decide now and not postpone it for tomorrow. I must write my feelings now, must move to transparency, to inside the eye of storm, where nothing is move, and everything is still. I have stopped my doings few days ago, as it created so much drama and imbalance that I had no other option, but to fall in my being. It was a brief wave of clarity, like having a quick look at the whole blue print of my soul and then suddenly I saw the reality of physical which is about break my security walls and threat my little self. What choice I have? While stronger forces are working, my only option is get fully in present and breathe. Slow and steady and one step in front of another step.
I do not know, if storm will stop anytime soon. I feel all old patterns and limiting behaviors must end now. I have to really find a way to wake up my heart passion and desire to live my truth. I feel I am just making myself smaller and smaller and at the same time, growing shield to avoid self- realization.
I want the end of storms and beginning of abundant showers. I want walk in rain of joy and laughter with apple trees. I want to sit beside my lover and exchange glances under the tent of moon and stars. I want to live fearless again. Pack my life and start travelling to unknown. I want to move from Cyprus to the land I love the most. I want to dance on waves and write courageous stories for children of the world.
I want to be more real and more woman. I want to love and adore my body. Embrace my sensuality and sexuality. After 9 years celibate , I want to make love long and slow on sandy beaches and beneath waterfalls with the one who cherish and nourish my heart and soul. I want to live all of my dreams for humanity and peace. I want to be more present on Earth and participate in clearing her beautiful energy of all wrong doings of humanity, bring her to balance and fullness.
My list of wanting is long and my mind must surrender to this passion that burns my heart and so far have been moving me closer and closer to truth.
Today, I only can accept and acknowledge the storm. I know it is passing, I know it has something to teach me. I am here to learn, to unlearn. To write about truth of my momentary existence in full transparency. I live one day at the time. One day to be more of who I want to be and less of brainwash of society and upbringing.
Today, I am great because I found the courage to see myself without judgment, without forcing to be different than a confused human in the face of choices. Today, I also rise beyond my fear by writing this post, so I know, I can do it every Time, I forget words are my gifts, my friends, my purpose.
I am ending my day in being grateful, to sit in my pain and not change it to something different, not shaming myself or blaming others. I brought myself to this moment, which I want so much to avoid and I am still looking into it and opening deeper to divine light to guide me to spaces within, so I can help myself and hopefully others to be better, to be stronger and be fully here. Fully in Now.
I changed my experience by just writing my feelings, I call this success. I start a new day tomorrow. Might be sunshine, or rain, for sure it is never the same.