A new stage of observation, compassion and learning has been occurring since I have arrived in Tehran early Jan.
And in combination with recent eclipse passage we just went through, some low emotional pattern and self loathe thoughts and behaviour came to light. I have felt completely alone in a void for days before and up the day after the eclipse.
The journey to truth is different for each soul, some areas seems fully illuminated, free and empowered and suddenly it feels ego and small mind slick from back door, or dreams and a new game of mirrors and masquerade shapes. Within this observant deck, we stay with spirit part of self and still experience the judgment and low self talk. We witness the poison running through between our human and light of soul and beneath the flow of polarity we see our embedded fears, angers, self sabotage.
Between pain of understanding and balm of healing, I delve deeper into solitude to explore end of my feelings (if ever) within my core of being. Life has its sunshine and rainbows, also thunders and earth quick. These days is about full embodiment and crystallised the purpose within web of consciousness. So no stone could left unturned. Any struggle, doubt, lack, judgements, which reflects the illusion of separation, is the step we need to take on and where the resistance is high and others suddenly appear as impossible wall or there will be a rush of unresolved emotion like abandonment, inferiority, aloneness show up, we have the opportunity to harness the emotion and turn it to a focal point which lead us to power of oneness.
Easier to say than to be done. I found myself swimming to dark emotions over the last two weeks, with no sense or desire to continue living! Facing people who I love deeply and still can not assist and also recognise how frighten it makes me feel when I fall into old patterns of helplessness and state of separation.
To be free, is to work with shadow deeply and gratefully, as understanding is the first step to healing and offering space to just be with our darkness. to see where there is more work needed to happen, either by action or through space of silence.
Some moments are unbearable because of intensity of truth and standing at the edge of void until a new sense opens up through that dark space, a new light rise and now we can move deeper into the body.
I have been trying to come back to fb, or have connection with some dear friends and strangely the not happening of this desires, shows there is still work and embodiment of truth need to take place in sphere of heart and I must endure this burning fire alone to allow the time and space for whatever is at its final state of emergence and transmuting.
It is far easier to get lost in activates and words. It is far easier to even go and sit by trees and ocean. Somehow, alchemy for some of us are in dark caves, only music of heaven can pass through thick walls of surrendering condition, and that is the joy and love hidden in those songs keeps me on earth, still going forward even when it appears backward through fire and ashes of what no longer serves the purpose.
I am kneeled on ground of love with all that beats in my heart and soul, listening to what needs to change, so the embodiment of higher soul in this physical body honored and respected as the creator of all has chosen for me, for whoever knows their truth and are prepared to face everything and be Nothing, so help me God.
Love and light