A bit of update on personal jounrney/ Pilgrimage of heart
Emptiness is a space like no other space. There is no beginning, no ending. One wakes up into it and gradually even this knowing fades away. A place without mirror, reflection, no where to go, no one to project to.
It is still and silent, all inner chaos could be heard, all undiscovered emotions could surface. It is depth of aloneness, where all dissolves, all voices, dreams, identities and human boundaries. This is the home of God, after years od walking in desert, an oasis of heart, an ocean of beauty and mystery.
My time in Cyprus began 4 months ago, I began to write a post few times about all chaos, wonders, insights and soul alchemy that I have been experiencing and witnessing, but it never felt it is the right time until today. While I am only few days away from leaving Cyprus, where felt like a big void entry point, a place that in June 2017, I sold and packed another stage of life and began truthwalking with nothing in my pocket and a green suitcase across the planet.
This time my return felt very different, like a return to womb of creation, into Emptiness. More loss of self and knowing, more erase and let go. More accumulation of fat in the body, more aloneness, more silence.
I was and still am so blessed to stay in this secret Oasis, named Atlantis Garden, next to an empty beach, alone, with not many visitors and humans around. Just me, water, birds and sun. So, I allowed to be swallowed into the emptiness, it was a gradual happening, some days felt I never can return to anywhere, to any role, it felt the death of Soul, as I had enough ego and human deaths all through the awakening process that detecting transformation zone is easy! This time, I was not just alone, also isolated, for almost 3 months, with only few interaction and exchange with outer world and humans.
I fell into a happening, in its repetition this emptiness expanded, a new frontiers appeared and crossed over. All meaning and purposes lost their definition and colours. Days and hours passed while I just sat on a chair, facing the ocean, birds were singing and wind once a while came and touched my skin, the rest faded into Nothing-ness. Could any word describe the nature of God, the home of Oneness?
It is so new and strange for human mind to grasp its reality, basically it is too profound for voice and languages, only the moment between two heart beats, two inhales and exhales know the secret of emptiness, even silence fades away.
My entry was not voluntary, or recognisable in the beginning, it felt like many other mystical realm, experiences, another intimate happening in God, with God. It had many hard moments to witness, how emptiness could even hold aloneness and strip off any outer reality/distraction to harmonious and balance the dissolvement of any point of focus into sameness of present, into potential inside emptiness, where no eyes can see or be seen, no hands can touch or be touched, no mind can be identified or identify?
How could after that, life be the same? How cold I ever return to writing? And what should I write?
In the soup of consciousness, one grain stands up and lectures the rest of components of how new ingredients will be added soon by master chief while with the next spoon, her tiny life will be served as a food for Gods!
How little I know, how a lifetime change of perception proofs the limitation of my human faculties. And yes, I am God is beyond all of it, but as it happens we humans so easily conclude and sell our opinions, fictions as truth.
Something fundamentally has changed since my arrival on this Island, if it was possible, I would made movie of my feelings, my daily moments, rush of endless tears, followed by giggle and laughter, days of silence that appears like a depression, sitting on a couch, aimlessly staring into emptiness, going in, going in, then a sudden ache in my heart, a recognition of my human journey, a moment of repeated stories, with titles, like abandonment, abused, hurt to the bones, then another rush of tears, this time with good excuses. And more of staring into emptiness and seeing the untrue, seeing the fake self, all associated parts, like childhood and wounds that felt all healed and gone… they are all came back, and more of frequency of new into my body!
The more I sat in present, the more of new life entered into body, the more I fell into Emptiness. It felt like a blood infusion, a new blood began replacing the old. The Consciousness was in recycle, and all the parts of me, the unreal me, the one made up by mind, ego conditional set up of human form and time and space, all were replacing in this emptiness.
It was beyond awakening, beyond truthwalking, beyond anything I ever experienced which is quite a width spectrum for this human of 56 years old earth traveler. I am still gazing into this unknown that keeps erasing everything in I am.
How do I feel? Soft, in tears, melted in wonders. Also a deep fire inside me, like my body no longer can hold on this fire, this new blood is full od passion, full of poetry, love and beauty wants to come to form.
I feel I no longer can contain this river, this ocean of love that wants to come to the world. It is humming, rising, accumulating and keeps getting stronger in this body.
I am that Emptiness, I am holding on that power that no words could ever describe,
Divine Will is birthing. I am certainly gone, so what is here, what role is playing now?
What is the direction? And now, heart is the Master, only her voice can lead.
So I am packing, this time 1.5 suitcases, he colours are blue and black, with a tags changes so often over the last 3 years.
I am returning to Turkey and Istanbul on Friday. This I am is very different from the one which left Istanbul on 1st September 2020, this is a poem of God.
This I am, is a returning Mystic,
this one is the Foundation of One.
The whole world lives,
and breathes in her heart,
in such a love and sameness.
In such aloneness,
a sun lives in her heart.
Such a light emanates
when her gaze meets God’s gaze inside.
The waterfalls of heaven
flows in my human veins,
the new blood of earth,
the consciousness of new earth
rooted in emptiness.
I am Emptiness.