I do not remember how many times I have packed and unpacked my suitcase since…then this long pause in my mind to find the start day! When was it?
I guess the first Major one was 28th October 1994, when I went to United States with one way ticket and heart full of hope to start a new life, I was 27 years old and so Human then, so young, ambitious, stubborn, ignorant to many thing including who I really am.
After, the countless move and travels after return to England in 1998 and some sort of more permanent residence until 2008 when Spiritual emergence brought collapsed on stage of my life by cycles of catastrophic events. The end of grounding, roots, having a home. My life began spinning around God, a life without a centre or gravity.
A rhyme of a poem, coming into empty space between pen and a white page of life, somehow along the way a pilgrimage of heart shaped and the person I was needed a monolog with universe, with mountains with silent friends, readers. I do not know what moved me into writing this blog, I feel perhaps it was the longing of my heart, to find the missing pieces, to become complete, to be free.
I am not sure what group you belong, are you a blog reader, or somehow we met in a real world, as real as it is. Shared a moment, a short or long conversation, perhaps we held each other hands, or were so fortunate to embrace truth in each other.
I am so grateful for you, for space between us, small or large, full or empty, time or timeless.
I am so grateful that our hearts met and for a brief moment, we recognised the one in the illusion of the duality. Ah, I loved sharing my heart pilgrimage, even there were moments I felt my heart has no strength to carry on, somehow writing always eased my path into unknown.
Today, I felt different. I observe the peace in my heart while packing my case again. About two weeks ago, I arrived Mulga and Gocek. The first air bnb I stayed was like another hell of frequency clearing. My eyes and head all through the 4 nights that I stayed there were in pain and constant restructure of nerve system and dryness around the skin was so painful that I barely could open my eyes. I felt I am losing my sight, while my soul’s eyes opened to another dimension and since then body is in tremendous upgrade or disappearance in this huge whirlpool of energy, I am not sure anymore. It feels a dream within a dream and yet physically it is so hard.
I managed to move after the 4th day and came to a new location, Inlice about 15 minutes away from Gocek. I was guided to move and come here. I found a place between trees and close to beach. Here between farmers and silence, body relaxed a bit. Trees are magical for grounding, and different birds songs always bring messages from beyond. One needs so little in companionship of nature and good simple people who welcome strangers with open heart.
I wanted to continue my travel along the coast to Antalya, but since 27th April, Turkey has entered a complete locked down until 17th May and all travels are restricted.
The last few days feel a life time has passed, was behind the veil, enveloped in Divine embrace. It was hard to make any decision, to stay abit longer, return to Istanbul, body feels in ocean of changes, long hours of sleep and a lot of time in different dimensions. Only on Monday certainly came to make a return to Istanbul and as I no longer have financial resource, I was not moved to use my credit card to book accommodation. Being a traveller as its own merit and I have some points on a hotel chain that gave two nights free in one of their hotels. And that would be the maximum of activity that I was be able to do. And again fall back into my heart, sinking in peace.
I observe as sometimes move into doing tasks and then again back into timeless. But as I mentioned, today felt so different, like part of me already gone into a different place, like future place. I began feeling the presence of a different vibrational beings around me which is new, I feel a welcoming approach, like I am in different timeline that might not be even on earth or the physical earth that currently my body is located. When I began packing my things, I felt some sort of final, again not sure what it all means.
There is no attachment to any outcome, some facts are in place and some short plans are already made, so suitcase is packed for tomorrow flight. I have no personal contact with any other human being, awake or not awake, only one soul that as it flows we exchange.
Nowhere to go, nowhere to stay, my human faced this confusion and wonder so many times, so many layers of fear and desperation, what do I do?
Today, there is such a peace, such a joy, because there is no person left inside to worry about herself, try to save herself. What comes next could not be another cycle, this loop have been spinning for so long. It is the final.
Also my final words on heart pilgrimage, today something occurred within, never before and never after.
This is my last personal post on this blog, if I write again, poetry or words, it is not known to my heart yet.
Thank you for your companionship.